


time itself

by rowenabane



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst, Character Death, M/M, Past Character Death, Supernatural Elements, Time Travel, fellas buckle up it's gonna get Sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-06
Updated: 2018-12-06
Packaged: 2019-09-12 07:37:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,300
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16868818
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rowenabane/pseuds/rowenabane
Summary: Johnny is looking for someone he used to know.(Or, Johnny is trying to save Ten from a future that may or may not exist, and he may or may not succeed. Only time will tell him that.)





	time itself

**Author's Note:**

> welcome! this was something I started forever ago and totally forgot existed so I figured I would finish it up and put it on here. have fun reading!

The leaves on the trees are just beginning to turn orange, dusting the green with gold. It's not yet the beginning of autumn, and the summer warmth chases away the early chill that drifts through the breeze. The sky is an almost cartoon blue, clouds puffy like cotton.  
  
It's the perfect day.  
  
Johnny has his windows rolled down, pop music blasting through his speakers. He can feel the wind ruffle his hair as it streams past him, but it's warm enough that it doesn't bother him much.  
  
Ten is sitting in the passenger seat, laughing. His skin is glowing in the afternoon sunlight and his eyes are glittering with amusement as he messes with the radio.  
  
"You know I hate pop music," he jokingly groans, pushing Johnny's hand off the radio knob. Johnny takes a moment to grin at him, and his heart stops at the sight of Ten's sly smile.  
  
And then it stops again as a drunk driver swerves in front of him and plows into the passenger side of his vehicle, as the shearing of metal and crunch of glass drowns out all the sounds in Johnny's head. For a fraction of a second he can see Ten's face shift and his eyes go dark. Another fraction of a second, and he is ripped away with the metal and glass, trying to hold onto Johnny's hand. Another fraction of a second, and Johnny is watching his world fall apart before his eyes.  
  
The sky is an almost cartoon blue, but all Johnny sees is red.

  
...

 

The dream wakes him in the middle of the night, as it often does. Johnny bolts upright, heart hammering, his skin too tight and his lungs too small. He can't breathe enough air, can't see enough in the dark. He swings his legs over the side of the bed and turns on his lamp. His heart is beating against his ribs so fast that it's painful, and he swallows thickly. His room is cold.  
  
Just a dream.  
  
But for a second, it was almost as if he were there again.  
  
There are many events in a person's life that change who they are. Some are good. Some are bad. Some...some you can't forget.  
  
Johnny rubs his eyes with his palms and stands. It's four in the morning, but it's not as if he could fall back asleep anyway. He picks up his phone and checks it absentmindedly for messages. There are none.  
  
He wonders if there's someone he can call, someone he can just cry to at four in the morning without feeling like a burden and an awful person.  
  
As much as he wants to talk to Ten, he can't. Ten has been dead for three months.  
  
Johnny squeezes his eyes shut, chasing the intrusive thoughts out of his head.  
  
It does him no good to reminisce on the past.

  
  
...

 

He goes to work the next morning, dreading his job. It's hard to approach his job as an accountant with enthusiasm, even with a full night of sleep. He doesn't like the taste of coffee, but he downed three cups earlier just to stay awake.  
  
He strolls through the glass doors and waves at the secretary as he swipes his key card and heads up to the elevator to his office.  
  
"Hey!" It seems the first person Johnny is going to have to interact with this morning is Jaehyun, his coworker and best friend. They've known each other since almost forever, having spent years in school just to end up working for the same company. Normally, Johnny would enjoy talking to him, but today exhaustion has drained the energy and willpower from his bones.  
  
Jaehyun takes one look at the bags under his eyes and unnatural pallor of his skin and frowns. "Are you okay?"  
  
Johnny nods wearily, setting his things down at his desk. Jaehyun pulls up a chair and sits next to him.  
  
"No, you're not." He says. "Did you get enough sleep last night?"  
  
It's no use lying to Jaehyun. He knows him too well. "Not really," he replies, finishing the last of his coffee and throwing the cup away.  
  
"Is it the dreams?" Jaehyun asks quietly, his eyes brimming with concern. Johnny's throat grows tight.  
  
"I'm fine," Johnny grits out, his voice hoarse. Jaehyun knows better than to push when Johnny acts like this. It's why he's such a good friend-he understands that there are some things only time can heal. Gaps that only silence can fill.  
  
"Well," Jaehyun says, standing, "me and some of the others were going to get drinks later. It'd be nice if you could join us."  
  
Johnny thinks or a moment. "I'll try," he finally answers. It's as much as he can say at this point.  
  
Jaehyun beams at him and turns the corner, leaving Johnny to his computer and his paperwork.  
  
Time flies when Johnny works. It would seem to be otherwise, but Johnny finds comfort in the numbers. It's nice to focus on something other than his own feelings, for once.  
  
So when it's time for him to leave, he does so with only a twist of regret.

  
  
...

 

Jaehyun is excited to see him, and prompts him to talk and joke. Johnny does so, but it's almost an out of body experience, one that he does but doesn't realize. He slips into the easy role of happy friend, but his heart twists as he looks into his empty glass and realizes he feels absolutely nothing.  
  
"I'll be right back guys, I'm going to go get some air." He slides out of his seat, but everyone hardly notices. Jaehyun is deep in conversation with Doyoung, his maybe boyfriend, and Mark is staring at his phone.  
  
The night air is frigid against his skin, and Johnny shivers. It's winter, and piles of snow clump against the street curb and crunch beneath his shoes. He should've brought a coat, but in a way the cold grounds him. He exhales, and watches vapor cloud the air.  
  
"You have a hunger that cannot be fed," a voice behind him says. He whips around and comes face to face with a woman, her face solemn and unnerving. Her face is impossibly young but her hair is gray, and her clothes are a mismatched hodgepodge of torn fabric.  
  
"Who are you?" he asks, shivering, backing up. The woman does not move as she speaks.  
  
"You have a sadness that cannot be satiated," she continues, voice low. Her eyes bore through him, almost lit from within.  
  
Johnny opens his mouth to speak, but the strange woman interrupts him.  
  
"What is it that you want?" She asks, and her voice reverberates along his spine.  
  
This stranger unnerves him, unsettles him, her eyes are not natural but he can't help himself when he answers.  
  
"I want to go back," he breathes into the night.  
  
"To change the present, you want to relive the past." She says. She is still as she gazes at him. "Such a wish is not as easy as it seems."  
  
"Who are you?" Johnny breathes, the words a murmur.  
  
"You want to go back and save him."  
  
Johnny is frozen to the core, but the ice forming in his throat isn't caused by the weather. He tries to swallow but the words won't let him, tries to move but is rooted to the spot.  
  
_Yes_ , Johnny thinks, shouting in his head. _I do_ .  
  
"Maybe I do," Johnny says, looking at the ground. His hands are shaking, but he thinks it must be from the cold.  
  
"What would you be willing to give for such an opportunity?" The woman asks, tilting her head. Her words are a lullaby and Johnny is falling in, letting himself be pulled into a fantasy.  
  
"Anything." White clouds formed by his breath mist in the air.  
  
"Desperation makes men foolish," the woman says. Her lips move, but the sound is somehow out of sync.  
  
Johnny blinks, trying to reset what he's seeing, but the woman is suddenly gone. He looks around, whirling on his feet.  
  
_Where did she go?_  
  
He doesn't dwell on it, assumes he's been out too long in the cold. He hails a cab, heading home alone.

  
  
...

 

Johnny's alarm startles him awake, and as he sits up he realizes he's trying to catch the fading tail of a dream he can't quite recall. He stretches and walks out into the hallway, basking in the early morning sunlight. There's someone in the hallway.  
  
"Jaehyun?!" Johnny yells in surprise. "What are you doing here?"  
  
Jaehyun looks at him in alarm as he brushes his teeth. "I live here?" He says around his toothbrush. Johnny continues to look at him, confused. Johnny had moved out of Jaehyun’s apartment months ago.  
  
"Is this a joke?" Johnny says, frowning.  
  
"No?" Jaehyun says, holding his toothbrush in absolute and utter confusion. "Are you okay?"  
  
Johnny shakes his head. "Yeah, I'm fine, I just-" he shakes his head. "Never mind." He ducks back into his room and closes the door in Jaehyun's face.  
  
Something isn't right here.  
  
He looks out the window, hands against the glass. The trees are green and flowers are in full bloom, without a trace of the winter that was just here yesterday. He opens the window, and finds that the air that rushes in is warm.  
  
"What the hell," Johnny whispers to himself before closing the window. His alarm blares from his phone and he grabs it to turn it off.  
  
The date isn't right. Or maybe it is, and Johnny's wrong.  
  
But it can't be.  
  
Yesterday, it was December. Today, it is June 1st, the beginning of summer.  
  
Johnny almost drops his phone as he stares, open-mouthed, at the screen. There's an insistent knocking at the door and Johnny nearly jumps out of his skin.  
  
"Johnny! Are you okay in there?" Jaehyun's voice is worried.  
  
"Yeah! I'm fine!"  
  
"Well, hurry up! We're gonna be late!"  
  
_Late for what?_  
  
Johnny swings open the door and finds Jaehyun already dressed for work, in a blazer and slacks.  
  
His first day of work! That's today!  
  
Johnny closes the door again, much to the annoyance of Jaehyun, who knocks again. Johnny's too busy trying to figure out what's happening to care.  
  
So he has gone back in time. It's impossible, but it seems to be true. He's gone back in time almost six months, the summer he met Ten. Today is June 1st, and he and Jaehyun are going to work for the first time.  
  
Johnny rushes to get dressed, as Jaehyun yells incoherently through the door. He emerges ten minutes later, presentable but exhausted and confused.  
  
"Man, you seem really off today." Jaehyun says, pointing at his twisted tie. "Are you sure you're okay?"  
  
Johnny adjusts his tie. "Yeah," he says. "Didn't realize the date."

  
  
...

 

  
He's been given another chance. He doesn't know how, or why, but he's been given a chance and he'll take it.  
  
He and Jaehyun take the bus because Johnny hasn't gotten his first car yet, and he's the only one who can actually drive.  
  
Johnny's nervous. He shouldn't be, he's done this before, but there's something about being displaced from your own timeline that shakes you up a bit. He keeps rubbing his hand worriedly across his wrist, rubbing red circles into his wrist.  
  
"Hey," Jaehyun says. "Don't be nervous. You were a shoo in for this position. You're gonna do great!" He smiles cheerfully, and Johnny allows himself to share his enthusiasm.  
  
This is a chance to be even better than before.  
  
He sees the woman from before, the one with the mismatched clothing, her silver hair glinting in the sunlight. Her eyes follow him and for a second he thinks she is going to say something. She doesn't.  
  
Johnny blinks, and she is gone.

Johnny is looking for someone he used to know. He is searching for a specter and he knows he shouldn’t be here, knows that there is something unnatural about the whole situation. He’s watched enough science fiction movies to know that things could go terribly wrong, he’s not a fool. But Johnny has always been careful, even more so now.

He has the most unnerving sense of deja vu but he knows that this is not some trick of his mind he is _reliving,_ he is seeing the world through the same pair of eyes and everything he has seen before but it is somehow different, as if painted more clearly with the pigment of afterthought.

It is so easy to become his past self. He knows his way around all the computer programs and it takes him half the time to “learn” them. Things are looking up. A new chance.

But nothing is ever as it seems, as it always is with these things.

Johnny sees him as he’s leaving for the day, sees him getting on the same bus _he’s_ about to get on, and he can’t help but call out to him. 

“Ten!” He yells, smiling. Then his face falls as he remembers that this is not where they meet. This is not how things were supposed to go. He tries to retract his greeting but the damage is done.

“Do I know you?” Ten says, face painted with masked suspicion. Johnny racks his mind for a suitable excuse, and remember sthat Ten was Jaehyun’s friend first, even at this time.

“I’m Johnny, Jaehyun’s roommate.” He says, layering his friendliest smile along the words. Ten seems to relax a little.

“Ah, okay. He’s always complaining about you. I’m surprised we haven’t met already.” His voice is light.

_Oh,_ Johnny thinks. _We have._

But of course he doesn’t say that. Doesn’t think it. Instead he says, “are you taking this bus?”

“Oh, yeah,” Ten says, looking up at Johnny, who towers over him. “You?”

“Yeah,” he says. “I’m headed home.”

There’s an awkward silence between them, and Johnny takes a second to look at Ten, whole and glowing and alive. His dark hair is pushed back away from his face, and the sleeves of his shirt are cut off to expose his arms.

“So how is Jaehyun? That ugly bitch never calls me anymore.” It’s polite conversation, really.

“He’s fine,” Johnny says. “Everything is fine.”

That night he sees the girl outside his window, her eyes almost lit from within. He knows that there's no possible way he can hear her through the window, on the street below. But her voice is in his head, crystal clear and ominous.

_You have changed the past, and in doing so, changed the future._

“In what way?” Johnny asks, knowing that at this point he is only talking to himself. “In what way?”

 

...

 

Johnny can remember the day he first met Ten, at least properly. But that memory has been subtly replaced. So on June 16, when Ten stops by their apartment, there is no look of surprise, no “and who is this handsome stranger?” directed toward Johnny with a smile and tilt of the head.

But things are different know, so when Ten shows up at Jaehyun’s apartment he simply says hi and then proceeds to vanish into Jaehyun's bedroom. What for, Johnny doesn't know. He comes out a couple minutes later with a pair of headphones.

“I was looking for these,” he says. “It’s been months.”

Jaehyun comes out of the kitchen and sees Ten rooting around his stuff. “Ten? What are you doing here?”

“Paying you a visit, it’s been forever.” He hasn’t visited Jaehyun’s apartment since Johnny moved in, which is why they haven’t met. In the original timeline, this was the first.

“Well, while you’re here, would you like some coffee?” Johnny says.

“No, I just wanted to stop by and say hi to this massive loser,” Ten says, hitting Jaehyun in the arm. “I’ve gotta go to dance practice.”

“You’re a dancer?” Johnny asks. Of course, he already knows, but it would be strange to know too many things about what should be a stranger.

“Yeah,” Ten says, eyes bright. “I’m actually preparing for a really big dance competition.”

Johnny’s heart sinks at the brightness in Ten's voice. In his timeline, his future, Ten never makes it to his competition. He is killed in a car accident on the highway with Johnny behind the wheel, his dreams dissipating like fog beneath the sun.

Johnny watches him leave, giving him a friendly wave.

One would think it would be easy. One would think that it would all be so easy, he already knows the future, he knows the past, it should be easy. But now Johnny is faced with a decision - how does he save Ten in this timeline? The easiest way would be for him to cut himself out of Ten’s life, never fall in love. But for some reason that is much harder than it seems.

Much, much harder.

Because Johnny is in love with Ten, in a way that transcends the linear nature of time itself. Because he is falling in love with Ten all over again, with the him that he used to know. Johnny has made Ten a saint in death, but Ten is all to human, and all too flawed. It is this version of him - loud, outspoken, sometimes rude, that Johnny has fallen in love with again. Ten’s voice has filled up the silence inside him, and he is bursting at the seams with life and laughter.

But the future is the future, and Johnny is afraid.

He remembers the day he first asked Ten out. He doesn’t do it this time around.

“Hey,” Ten asks one evening as Johnny’s tapping away absentmindedly at his computer. “Do you want to go see a movie or something together? Like, maybe not now but you know, sometime?”

Johnny stops typing, looks up at Ten’s open and earnest expression and he just can’t help it. It would be rude to say no, be rude to turn him down. This did not happen in the original timeline. This was not supposed to happen. Their relationship is a fixed event in time, one that he cannot avoid.

“Sure,” he says, a cloud of foreboding trailing the words. “I’d love to.”

 

...

 

Loops. Everything is loops, and mobius strips, and never ending roads that turn back on themselves. He is running in circles. He is a hamster on the wheel of time.

He takes Ten to some summer blockbuster on July 10 and afterward they get ice cream and wander the streets like bandits, loud and laughing and _alive._

Ten is real in the glare of the city lights, all neon harsh and blurred by smoke. He is solid and whole and the future will never come if they stay trapped in this moment. He _would_ do it, trap them in time, if he could. Johnny’s heart is an untameable thing, beating in tune to Ten’s footsteps.

“I had a good time,” Ten says.

“I’m glad,” Johnny says.

“We should do it again sometime.” His eyes are open, glittering, sly.

Johnny knows he should say no, knows that this timeline is dangerous, knows that he is dangerous to Ten. But he can’t.

“I wouldn’t mind,” he says, “spending all the time I had with you.”

Ten’s mouth moves but he says nothing. He looks faintly surprised.

Johnny turns away before he can do something rash. “Good night, Ten.”

 

...

 

The fear presses in on Johnny, the fear that there is simply not enough time. It’s only been a month but Johnny knows that the flow of time is confusing. What seems to be forever is only a minute in his mind.

He sees the silver haired girl sometimes, her eyes always uncanny and unknowing.

“What’s your name?” he asks, turning around on an empty street to find her standing there.

“Why does it matter?” she replies.

“Why can’t you tell me?” He is curious, questions unanswered.

“You will know me soon enough.”

The words are an afterthought in the night air, and she is already gone.

The next day he and Ten go to Starbucks and Johnny stops dead in his tracks when he sees the girl behind the counter. She’s a dead ringer for the girl he’s been seeing. Her mismatched clothes are gone, replaced by a uniform, but she is undoubtedly the same. Her name tag reads “Yoohyun.”

When Johnny goes up to get their drinks, she fixes him with a stare and lowers her voice.

“Everything has a price, Johnny Seo.”

To which Johnny replies, with a plastered on smile, “thank you, have a nice day.”

 

...

 

“Yoohyun! Why did you send me back?” Johnny asks into the night air. “Why did you give me another chance?”

“Men are fools,” she says from behind him. “They think they can control all things.”

Johnny turns. “I can change this,” he says, voice quiet. “I can.”

Yoohyun shakes her head. “I asked you what you would give for this opportunity. You said everything.” Her voice is even, unsettling, the words not quite matching the movement of her mouth. “I should have asked what you wouldn’t give, because that is what you will lose in the end.”

“I _will_ save him,” Johnny says.

“Your arrogance will _end_ you.” Her voice never wavers and Johnny blinks, and she is gone.

There are too many forces beyond Johnny’s control. Maybe Yoohyun is right - maybe he _is_ a fool.

He purposely doesn’t buy his first car, because he knows what will happen if he does. It’s his car, after all, that Ten dies in. He thinks this will be enough, but the next week Jaehyun’s parents get him a car as a gift and Jaehyun insists Johnny teach him how to drive.

Johnny still gets nervous behind the wheel. He still remembers a future September, the sky a cartoon blue.

“Of course I’ll teach you,” he replies amiably, as any friend would.

 

...

 

Ten is a fixed unit in Jaehyun’s apartment now. He’s always around when Johnny and Jaehyun get off work, lounging on the couch or raiding the fridge. One night, as Johnny unthinkingly plays on his phone, Ten gives him a quick kiss on the cheek.

_Dangerous territory,_ Johnny’s mind chants. _Uncharted waters._

“Good night,” Ten whispers. Jaehyun is already asleep in his room but Johnny wishes he were here, wishes he had the self control to stop himself. He gently takes Ten’s hand in his, kissing him once on the lips. _Just once,_ he tells himself. _Only once._

But one thing leads to another and he is holding Ten as if he is afraid to let him go, maybe he is, and it is very obvious he has very little self control.

_Just once,_ he promises himself as Ten kisses him back. _Just this once_.

 

...

 

They go on a handful of dates. Six, to be exact, but Johnny doesn’t count the time they’ve spent watching movies on his computer or the coffees they’ve grabbed on his way to work. He doesn’t count the quiet telephone calls and snatched kisses behind closed doors.

Johnny keeps trying to rationalize it, keeps trying to tell himself that this is okay, but he is always _worried,_ worried that Ten’s future is set in stone and that he will not be able to change it.

Ten is a very devoted dancer. Johnny watches him practice sometimes, his limbs graceful and his body weightless as a bird’s, spinning and soaring. He’s seen this before but now he can’t look away, can’t make himself look away.

“You’re gonna wear yourself out,” he says worriedly, knowing that there is no way to wear out Ten’s inescapable enthusiasm, his boundless energy.

 “I just…I want everything to be perfect. If I win this competition, everything will fall into place. I know it.” His eyes are so hopeful, as if seeing a bright and shiny future.

 But Johnny has seen the future, and it is not as bright and shiny as it seems.

 Johnny kisses him. He doesn’t say anything, because he can’t bring himself to.

 

...

 

“You know, sometimes you unnerve me.”

Ten says it casually one day as they’re sitting on the couch, his leg draped across Johnny’s lap. Johnny looks at him, confused. The words are light, without force, but Johnny is already retreating.

“Why?” he asks. Ten shrugs.

“Sometimes you look at me like…” Ten tilts his head, thoughtful. “Like you know something about me I don’t.”

“I’m thinking about how you will never know how much I love you,” Johnny says. It is a half truth, not a lie, not a lie at all.

Ten smiles wickedly. “You're a huge loser,” he says, laughing. “Come over here and get your kiss.”

Johnny gladly obliges, wrapping his arms around Ten as if he will never let him go.

 

...

 

Johnny moves out of Jaehyun's apartment, buys his own place to stay with the money he’s saved up. He doesn't have a lot of stuff to pack, or unpack, but Ten still insists on bothering him in whatever way he can.

“Why do you insist on sitting on every box I try to unpack?” Johnny says exasperatedly. Ten grins at him.

“Think of it as an obstacle to overcome,” Ten says.

“How am I supposed to get things done when you keep sitting everywhere?”

Ten grins again, but this time there is something sly and unreadable in his eyes. “What are you gonna do about it?”

Johnny wraps his arms around him. “I don't know,” he muses thoughtfully. “What do you suggest I do?”

Ten laughs playfully, places his hand on Johnny's chest. Summer sun streams in through the windows, casting Ten in its golden glow. It is mid-August and Johnny knows what will happen next, has always known.

Happiness doesn't last but Johnny is falling all the same, waiting to hit the ground.

...

 

The future is a fickle thing. So is the past. Johnny forgets things now, things from the other timeline. He has changed it, he knows that, but will it be enough?

Will any of this be enough?

...

 

Ten throws his heart and soul into the upcoming dance competition. His eyes are so _bright_ as he practices, and Johnny is still trying to find loopholes to save him. The competition is a couple hours away, in some big city. He asks Johnny if he’ll drive him.

In the other timeline, Johnny agrees without a second thought. In this one, he shakes his head.

“I don't know,” he says. “I might be really busy.”

Johnny does not want to be in that car. Does not want to even _dare_ to be in a car with Ten on that day.

“I really want you to be there,” Ten says, his voice sounding disappointed. Johnny shrugs, feigning nonchalance, feigning calm.

“I’ll see what I can do.”

...

 

Foreboding. There is a creeping sense of foreboding surrounding Johnny but he doesn't know what he can do. Ten is hell bent on being at that competition and Johnny can't bear to take that from him. But Ten’s life...Ten’s life is more important than anything else in this world, in this time.

 

...

 

“What is _wrong_ with you?” Ten hisses, yanking his arm out of Johnny's grip. Johnny can feel himself slipping apart, a surrealist painting made corporeal. It is September 24th, and he has run out of time.

“Please,” Johnny urges. “Please stay home.”

“You know how important this is to me,” Ten says, voice angry. “How could you tell me to just stay home? What could be more important than this?”

_Your life,_ Johnny wants to scream. _Your life is more important than any of this._

“Please,” Johnny begs again because this time he is desperate, so desperate, and he is losing control. “You don't understand.”

“What don't I understand?” Ten’s eyes are wide, imploring. “Johnny, what's wrong?”

He doesn't understand. He could never understand. Johnny bears the future on his shoulders, and he has surely become Atlas under its weight.

But he can't help himself. The words come tumbling out like falling stones. “You'll die if you go,” he chokes out. “Ten, you'll die.”

Ten stares at him for the longest moment. “Johnny,” he starts slowly, “what do you mean?”

The dam has been broken and all the words are rushing out unbidden inside his mind. _I am from a future, a timeline, where you die in a car accident on the way to this competition._ He can’t say it, physically cannot. His voice is reckless and he knows he sounds crazy but he can't help it, can't help himself because the thought of losing Ten is just too much to bear.

“I know you will die because I’ve seen it, because I was there,” Johnny says. He’s breaking down. “There was a drunk driver on the wrong side of the road and I was driving you to the competition and I looked away for a second and-” his words are a breathless rush and he’s almost choking on them, like a sinner on holy verses. This is his confession, his penance.

Ten’s hand is cool on his cheek, and his eyes are solemn. “Johnny, it will be okay. Don’t worry about me.”

“But do you believe me?” Johnny says incredulously. His hands rush up to Ten’s face, as if to assure himself he’s still there.

“I believe you believe this. Your eyes are too honest for me not to.” Ten replies. “But this is too important for me.”

He stands and he takes a step back. It’s a heavy step.

“Is it more important than your life?” Johnny says desperately.

“This is my life,” Ten says. He’s thoughtful for a moment. “You say you were driving? Then don’t drive. We can take a train, or a bus. We can hitchhike. There are so many variables we can change, the future is never set in stone.”

Johnny wants to believe. He wants to believe. But he feels eyes on the back of his head and he knows Yoohyun is watching him, eyes sly and careful.

“You can’t,” Johnny says. “You can’t go.”

Ten’s eyes are hard and unwavering. “You can’t stop me.”

He slams the door shut behind him, Johnny running uselessly after him.

But Ten is gone, and the world is spiraling out of his hands.

...

 

Ten doesn’t text him or call him and Johnny is worried out of his rational mind. He's trying to push down panic because he can't lose Ten now, can't lose him after all this. He has been violently displaced from his own timeline to save him, and what if he fails? What if all of this is a cruel joke?

Johnny pushes open the apartment door and sees Yoohyun standing in the middle of the street and he’s suddenly so angry, so angry at her and Ten and the world.

It’s almost as if she’s beckoning him, moving backwards away from him, feet moving like a video in reverse. And like a fool he follows her, transfixed by what she has to say.

He’s standing in the middle of the street when she vanishes, and he realizes that he’s been chasing a spectre the entire time. There is a screech of tires and the glare of headlights and Johnny realizes too late that it was a trick, a trap.

Deer, caught in the headlights.

He doesn’t feel the impact but it hits him all the same.

...

It is September 24th. Johnny Seo, misplaced by time and bleeding in the street, is realizing the cost of saving someone you love.

The future comes in flashes. Johnny sees things in the black that should not exist. He sees Ten in the car seat next to him, but in this universe nothing changes. He sees himself standing in the road, shocked and unmoving, and wonders if he is already too far gone.

 

...

Johnny wakes up. That is the first surprise - he did not expect to wake up. It is a small mercy but he knows that is what Yoohyun wanted: a trade, one life for another, one wrong to right a wrecked timeline.

Timeline. He bolts upright.

Ten. _Where is Ten?_

He takes a look at his surroundings and he is in a hospital room. The windows are open and Johnny can see the trees tinged red, like they were dipped in blood. A nurse comes into the room, holding a tray.

“Mr. Seo, you’re awake!” She sets the tray on a table. “How are you feeling?”

Johnny is panicking. That’s what he’s feeling.

“Has anybody come by to see me?” Johnny asks desperately. “A man, who goes by the name of Ten?”

She shakes her head. “I’m sorry, sir. No one has come by.” She checks the mess of bandages stretched across his chest, examines the bruising he doesn’t feel. “I have some painkillers, if you’d like them?”

Johnny shakes his head. She gives him a strange look before she leaves, one of confusion or pity.

Mere seconds after the door closes it opens again, another nurse entering. Johnny looks up and sees Yoohyun in a nurse uniform, peering down at him, her expression carefully neutral.

“Well, Johnny Seo,” she says, fluffing his pillow. “Look where this endeavor has landed you.”

“Is Ten alright.” The words are hard, not a question but a demand.

“That isn’t for me to say,” she says, checking his IV bag.

“You have to tell me,” Johnny says desperately. “I have to know.”

“You have painkillers to take,” she says, her gaze almost kind. “Here.”

She hands him the pills and a glass of water and he gulps them down reluctantly. He is only aware of the pain when it starts to recede.

“I have grown incredibly fond of you over these past few months, Johnny.” She folds the blankets at the end of his bed. “You are very driven. It isn’t very often I meet someone like you.”

Johnny is silent. So silent the silence is a tangible ache in his bones.

“You love him,” she says. “Even now, you would give him the world.”

“I would steal it,” Johnny says. “I would steal the sun and the moon for him.”

“No need,” Yoohyun says. “You have already stolen time itself.”

The door creaks open and Johnny thinks it must be another nurse but no, it is a smiling face with a bandaged foot and crutches and Johnny is about to weep because he thinks he might be alright now. He thinks everything might be alright now.

“Johnny!” Ten yells, face lit up from within.

Johnny looks at Yoohyun, hoping that the gratitude will show in his eyes. She smiles down at him, a rare and elusive thing, before dipping her head.

“It’s been a pleasure, Johnny Seo.”

She vanishes out the door, and Johnny knows he will not be seeing her again.

...

 

“Johnny!” Ten says again, easing himself onto the edge of Johnny’s bed. He has a cast all the way up his calf, his pants rolled up above the knee. “I came as soon as I heard what had happened.” He takes a shaky breath and begins to tear up. “I was so fucking worried.”

Johnny attempts to sit up a little straighter and takes Ten’s hand in his. “I’m better now, that you’re here.” Ten will never know the utter truth of those words. Never.

Ten is crying now and so is Johnny and together they’re just one big miserable mess. Ten takes his face in his hands and kisses him, kisses him like he is making up for lost time.

“I was so afraid of losing you,” Ten says. “I was afraid I wouldn’t get here in time.”

Always time, always the matter of time.

“What happened to your leg?” Johnny asks. He, too, is worried. Ten laughs dryly.

“I fell and broke it,” Ten says. “Ironic, I know. I was in the emergency room getting a cast when Jaehyun called me with the news.”

They’re both silent for a minute.

“I’m sorry I ran out on you like that,” Ten murmurs. “I just got so angry and I just thought...I thought you were...I don’t know what I thought.”

“Don’t worry, it’s okay,” Johnny says. “I’m not angry at you. I was just worried.”

Silence again, but this time it is a busy silence because Johnny is pulling Ten closer. He kisses him again just because he can. Ten smiles against his lips and Johnny is falling again. Or maybe he has already hit the ground, and this is the impact.

He doesn’t have to worry about time anymore. The only thing he has to worry about is how he will spend it.

 

...

 

“Hey,” Jaehyun says, leaning over Johnny's desk, “me and some of the others were going to get drinks later. Do you wanna come?”

Johnny shakes his head. “No, I can't. Ten and I are going ice skating tonight.”

Jaehyun raises an eyebrow. “But you can't ice skate.”

Johnny shrugs. “He doesn't know that.”

Jaehyun laughs. “Well, have fun. I’ll have to ask Ten to send me some photos of you falling on your ass.”

Johnny smiles. “If you do I’ll send Doyoung those videos of you talking in your sleep about dogs.”

Jaehyun’s eyes widen in mock horror. Johnny laughs.

In this timeline, things are different. It is December and tomorrow he will wake up and it will _still_ be December. Time will continue as it usually does.

There are some things Johnny can't remember, some things that belong to another future or another past. One that he has replaced.

Some nights he bolts awake, heart hammering and skin too tight and lungs too small to breathe, but Ten is always there.

“What's wrong?” Ten asks, voice low in the night.

“Nothing,” Johnny replies, intertwining their fingers. “Just a dream.”

 

**Author's Note:**

> a) you can find the playlist for this story [here](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/16z4jyxMpOumuIJwqf01X2)  
> b) I really enjoyed writing this and hope you enjoy reading it! please,,,I actually cried writing this?? because i am a Sad Bitch  
> c) if you are Interested in crying with me over johnten, nct, or just crying in general, feel free to hmu on [twitter!](https://twitter.com/nastaeyong)  
> d) comments are always super appreciated! <3


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